So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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