why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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