When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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