The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
