Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
