Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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