Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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