I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
