need another drink. this is the easiest way
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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