we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
