i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
