get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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