I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
