You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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