Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
someone owes me an orgasm
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
