I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize