Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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