It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
