just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
