I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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