Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
