I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
