The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
