matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
