It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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