Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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