He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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