This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
