Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
