Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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