out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
