oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
