i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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