Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
