So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
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Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Come share oat with me in your robe
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science