It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza