Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize