garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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