Texts From Last Night

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  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (26350) Bad night (1825)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.

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  (402): I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise. http://tfl.nu/i6qg
  Replies (6) Good night (3395) Bad night (1035)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture

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  (217): Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture http://tfl.nu/3npb
  Replies (11) Good night (3441) Bad night (1058)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.

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  (601): And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob. http://tfl.nu/lvxa
  Replies (8) Good night (2633) Bad night (971)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.

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  (651): asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night. http://tfl.nu/52m5
  Replies (13) Good night (1617) Bad night (724)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.

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  (765): I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it. http://tfl.nu/7uod
  Replies (9) Good night (2043) Bad night (691)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  i dont think thats healthy man...

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  (970): im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful. (303): i dont think thats healthy man... http://tfl.nu/vurl
  Replies (6) Good night (2391) Bad night (818)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.

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  (812): I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated. http://tfl.nu/dk0w
  Replies (12) Good night (2049) Bad night (1134)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."

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  (727): My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ." http://tfl.nu/nnzb
  Replies (4) Good night (2623) Bad night (614)
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  (909): View more from California

  i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way

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  (909): i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on (901): continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way http://tfl.nu/cwtc
  Replies (1) Good night (1147) Bad night (474)
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  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.

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  (479): Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day. http://tfl.nu/u3e4
  Replies (4) Good night (1418) Bad night (721)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.

  (1-905): View more from Ontario

  Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.

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  (905): I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th. (1-905): Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms. http://tfl.nu/74vi
  Replies (5) Good night (577) Bad night (462)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  ok thanks goodnight

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person

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  (905): ok thanks goodnight (905): Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person http://tfl.nu/fu6q
  Replies (4) Good night (964) Bad night (369)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.

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  (720): So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine. http://tfl.nu/j3bj
  Replies (2) Good night (305) Bad night (695)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back

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  (724): I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back http://tfl.nu/kzml
  Replies (0) Good night (325) Bad night (128)

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