I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
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the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.