did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.