some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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