is your mom at the bar?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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