I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You smell like stripper and shame
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
