I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
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