Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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