I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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