I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
