haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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