dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
