My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
