her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
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Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
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He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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