dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
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When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
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The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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