so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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