Sry I called you an 8
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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