At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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