Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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