I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He did a backflip because drugs
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
