at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
