I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
