i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
