Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
