I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
