About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
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