i just wanna soil my oats bro
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
