Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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