nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager