hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
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Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!