went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"