I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
