I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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