like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
