I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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